There Will Be Bugs

But There Are No Bugs in Today's Newsletter!!!

Happy Friday, Text-Me-Backolytes new and old, worms and snakes alike!

Well, it’s been an epic Pre-Taped Call-in Show week this week, with Lindy and Meagan “announcing” on Thursday’s podcast, which we taped last Thursday, the “huge news” that Elon has “left” the “federal government,” only to release said episode on the day that Elon and Trump went and obliterated all prior memories of them by getting into a flame war about who did the most (alleged) sex trafficking. Our bad! If you wanted to talk about Elon retiring from DOGE, you should have called in two weeks ago when our episode about Lindy’s milk frother was airing. But don’t worry, because we talked about mommy and daddy’s fight on today’s recording, which means you can hear our thoughts about it next Thursday, when the news cycle will no doubt have moved on and you will have no memory of this whatsoever:

And now, a few things that are on our mind this week:

1. If you would like to get your own King’s Quest V hat (HAT) like I wore on this week’s show, I got mine HERE. May I also recommend King’s Quest VI mousepad and Quest for Glory III mug?

2. Speaking of me wearing a hat (hat) on the show, did you know that our full-length YouTube videos are back thanks to Angel Producer Alli Slice!? Consider experiencing Text Me Back Podcast with your eyeballs to see me (Lindy) constantly face-rolling my jowls with a rose quartz face roller that Broad City’s Abbi Jacobson gave me! Yes, this newsletter WILL have name-dropping!!!!!!! One time I was waiting at SeaTac to board a plane to LA and Aaron Carter got off the inbound flight and I posted about it on Instagram and then Mike from Perfume Genius DM’d me and said he was on that flight too and he sat right behind Aaron Carter!!!!!!!

3. Speaking of things I bought on Etsy, remember in this week’s episode when I rightfully called out famously sex-negative podcaster Meagan Hat(HAT)cher-Mays for telling me to have “DAT ASS” engraved on my earring holder? But then reverse-discriminationing against the male gaze for featuring DAT ASS in the Fast & the Furious franchise even though everyone except her LIKES IT? Hypocritical if I do say so myself!!! Anyway, here’s what I actually got engraved on my earring holder:

   

4. I can hear Ahamefule outside in the blistering sun mowing our acre of lawn with a 100-year-old lawnmower that leaks fuel and I’m in here doing WHATEVER THIS IS for a living. How guilty should I feel? Sound off in comments!

5. Speaking of sounding off in comments, feel free to let us know if there’s stuff you’d like to see in Newsletter Me Back! The point of this truly is to delight you and nothing else! Full transparency: I will not be accepting any “no pictures of bugs” feedback, however, I did not see any new bugs this week so you’re safe.

6. Whatcha Watchin’? This week Lindy whitch whatchin’ Alone: Australia. A funny thing about Alone: Australia is that, sure, Australia is one of the scariest places in the world for creatures (I once called it a vending machine for sharks and nobody gives me enough credit for this!), but actually when you think about it there’s nothing on land that’s going to kill you unless you deliberately sit on a snake. At least not in Tasmania, where these people are! In the first episode this woman is losing her mind about the fact that she heard a twig snap in the bushes because it might be a Tasmanian devil. What’s a Tasmanian devil going to do? Hose your ass at one-on-one?

   

   In case you’re not an Animal Girl like me, here’s what a Tasmanian devil actually looks like:

   

   The second deadliest animal in Tasmania is the WALLABY.

   Do I want it to bite me? No. But would I tap out on day two because I thought there might be a Tazzy lair in the vicinity? Absolutely not! I would tap out on day two because I wanted pizza. Actually, I might eat a few crickets and stay till day three if it meant I got to see one of those guys!

7. Also, another whatch I’m watchin’ is the NBA Finals. Two small market teams of sweet kids who worked sooooooooo hard to make it all the way to the top? Now we’re cookin’ with gas! Boo to dynasties! And did you see SGA’s dad hanging out with Tyrese Haliburton’s dad? THAT’S Lindy-bait, baby! I watch sports for the FRIENDSHIP. My ideal NBA Finals would be Mike Conley giving everyone a hug!

   

8. Meagan just asked me for the Substack password and of course I have no idea, but I thought I’d already sent it to her, so I searched “pw” in our text history and here’s what I got:

   

   

   Wow, technology helped! I can’t wait for technofascism!

9. Who’s going to see Mission: Impossible—The Final Reckoning this weekend? Not me, no offense. The punctuation alone is deranged! But Text Me Back Podcast believes that in these dark times we trust adults to manage their own escapism and if you need Tom Cruise to feel alive then we’ll SEE YOU AT THE MOVIES, doodle-bug. To get you in the mood, here’s Meagan with a Newsletter Me Back EXCLUSIVE ranking of all eight Missions: Impossible.
   

And that’s that!

Thank you, as always, for supporting this clown show in whatever ways you do, whether it’s audially, (Text Me Back Podcast), on Instagram, by subscribing to the Patreon or the YouTube, and/or leaving us the accolades we so desperately crave.

ACCOLADE OF THE WEEK:

Sounds about right! FYI, selibrate, if you subscribe to our new Freekaconda tier on Patreon you can get ALL the rambling ad-free!

TTYL,
LYLAS,

Lindy