I Owe Costco Chicken Bake an Apology

Also, Look at the Cover of My New Book!

photo credit: Jenny Jimenez/photojj.com

Good afternoon, beloved Text-Me-Backolytes!

I’m back with another edition of what’s on Lindy’s mind this exact minute—the content you’ve all been craving. I hope you’re doing okay during our month off from podcasting! Personally I am killing it. Last night I read a physical book, possibly the first time I’ve cracked one of those since Obama! Mainly I listen to audiobooks while also playing games on my phone—anything to keep even one single brain cell from engaging with the outside world. It’s healthy and my doctor¹ agrees.

Anyway, here’s the content!

FOOD:

They’re bringing back the Snack Wrap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don’t think about the McDonald’s Snack Wrap that often, but when I do think about the McDonald’s Snack Wrap I think, “I want one.” If you’re not familiar, it’s basically one chicken tender wrapped in a tortilla with some cheese and lettuce and either ranch or spicy mayo and it lived from 2006 to 2016 and it was GOOD. People Magazine fed some of the resurrected Snack Wraps to their employees and here’s what they said:

PEOPLE staffers taste-tested the wraps one day early, commenting on the "crispy" chicken and noting that the wrap tastes "exactly the same" as it did nearly a decade ago

NOW we’re wrappin’ with snack!

Also don’t eat random factory-farmed chicken and also don’t give your money to evil corporations, but I will be wrappin’ with snack at least one time.

BOOKS:

Oh, I don’t know, how about a little book called MY NEW BOOK THAT’S FINALLY ON PRE-ORDER??

CAN YOU BELIEVE HER!?!?

More info (and why pre-orders are important for authors) over here!

MOVIES:

This week I watched Tombstone for Butt News, an enduring classic.

And then I watched Problemista for pleasure, a new classic! This movie is soooooooo sweet, funny, smart, silly, weird, whimsical, handsome, beautiful, magical, and weirdly grounded and topical as well! There’s a line that made me, Aham, and Roya all SCREAM.

ACTIVITIES:

I’m sick of my muscles atrophying and my back hurting so I asked Ahamefule to give me a strength training pep talk, and they suggested I make a five-song playlist and then assign one activity to each song, and then after 20 minutes my workout is done. Easy! And when I get bored of the playlist I get to make a new one! This idea has been outrageously effective, because the main things that keep me out of the gym are 1) feeling like I don’t have time, and 2) getting there and standing perfectly still for an hour because I can’t remember any exercises and I can’t decide what to do. But I definitely always have 20 minutes, and now there’s just a piece of paper on the wall that says this:

“Something to Talk About” (Bonnie Raitt) - stretching
”Common People” (Pulp) - medicine ball
”What’s Your Fantasy” (Ludacris) - kettlebell squats
”B.O.B.” (Outkast) - dribbling the heavy basketball
”Que Sera, Sera” (Sly & The Family Stone) - stretching part 2

A ten-minute shower and I’m back to work! (Baldur’s Gate 3.)

ITEMS:

Help me, I paid US dollars for this.

FEELINGS:

Sore! From kettlebell squats!

QUESTION QUORNER:

Update: I have investigated the Costco Chicken Bake and, boy, I DONE DONE IT AGAIN. I could not be more wrong about the anatomy of the Costco Chicken Bake. It is NOT a chicken-cordon-bleu-adjacent stuffed chicken pocket! It is, in fact, a fancy hot pocket with a POCKET as the pocket, and inside is chicken, bacon, cheese, and CAESAR DRESSING. This is precisely what I most crave every day on a daily basis and the hot dog can kick rocks. I am sorry for the error and as a gesture toward repair I will be making a large financial donation (to Costco in exchange for chicken bakes).

Okey dokey, huckleberries, that’s about it!

Have a daisy of a week and we’ll see you in a few. <3

Lindy

1. a little cactus i talk to